Big Brother is watching us, right? We live in an age where we have no privacy and all our dirty little secrets are out there for the world to see, right? Damn government spying, I can’t go a day without someone telling me how this age of information and treasonous acts by our own government has our public life on display for the world to see. They’re to blame, right? WRONG! Wake up stupid. It’s no the government that’s invading your privacy. It’s not the cell phone companies selling your information that’s the problem. You are the problem. But, wait, I’m not the problem, I’m just a consumer, and they’re the ones prying into my life. Yes. Yes they are. And whom the fuck do you think let those vampires in?
Look, I don’t want to get off on a rant here but holy 1984, Batman. Look, invasion of privacy sucks. Getting your personal, private, sensitive information put out to the world for all to see warts and all sucks but stop blaming everyone else. We caused this problem. The minute we decided it was a good idea to have a tiny little information machine in our front or back pocket. That’s right fuckos, keep your phones in your pocket. Unless you’re a cop or a cowboy, you shouldn’t have anything “holstered” on your belt. Once we decided that we wanted the comfort and ease of having literally every, single piece of information available at our fingertips, we unlocked Pandora’s Box. Want to document every move your child makes and then let Aunt Flo see it instantaneously halfway around the world? Well, go ahead. But just like eating Taco Bell drunk at 3am, there’s always a catch. Yeah it tastes fucking amazing but don’t come crying to me when the government shits your bed. Look, I’m all for technology but there is a price to pay. We literally put out all of our personal information on Social Media pages including where we go, what we eat, who we sleep with, who we want to sleep with, what kind of car we drive, etc., etc. We do that and we do that willingly. Don’t complain when a Ford dealership contacts you 2 days after you post on Facebook how you really want to buy a Ford. That’s the equivalent of me shouting, “I love ice cream!” in front of Ben & Scary’s and then complaining when they offer to sell me a cone. (Side note: if you’re gonna eat an ice cream, eat it on a cone like a normal person. Cups are for beer kegs and baseball players.)
Now, where was I? Oh yeah. I know you can argue that these inventions may have been tools of the government to access these bits of information from us to use at a later date for good and/or evil. OK, I’ll buy that. But if you are smart enough to realize that yet continue to provide such information to the powers that be than you lose your right to complain. We get so frothed up when private conversations and photos and situations come out and we clamor for justice when those situations may disagree with our personal taste. We force out basketball owners for saying mildly inappropriate things during an ILLEGALLY TAPED CONVERSATION. We all line up and file trade (is that still a thing?) ILLEGALLY HACKED photos/videos of celebrities taken without permission. Sorry Charlie but who here hasn’t done or said something when they had an expectation of privacy? Can you imagine if that one tiny misstep you said or did got out and you lost your ability to earn money because of that? Sounds crazy, right? But nobody has a problem when it happens to the rich and famous. Look you want to hang with a vampire, eat Chinese food, fly around Santa Clara stealing carnival tickets and comic books? Go right ahead. Just don’t be surprised when once you invite those suckers into your house, you get exactly what you deserve. But I digress…